Experiences of Meeting would be partners

Marriage is most important phase of our life. To whom we rely in this age of marriage apps for guidance? May be this community can help...
arpit
Posts: 13
Joined: Sat Aug 11, 2018 2:50 pm

Re: Experiences of Meeting would be partners

Post by arpit » Thu Aug 16, 2018 8:57 am

anurag wrote:
Wed Aug 15, 2018 3:09 pm
My experience has been a very memorable one

It was Day of fun and full of embarrassments, but that was my turning point in life. We married on 20th May 1982. Happily married for 35 years
Life moves with all such sweet memories, ಸವಿನೆನಪುಗಳು ಬೇಕು ಸವಿಯಲು ಬದುಕು (Savi nenapugalu beku Saviyalu Baduku) we need sweet memories to cherish the life.

Kannada meanings;

savinenapugalu-sweet memories, beku- requires, saviyalu- to taste or enjoy, baduku- life
Awesome Anurag....this was the most beautiful experience I have heard....that is how marriages should be...where people have fun and not judge others.... :) :) :) :)

arpit
Posts: 13
Joined: Sat Aug 11, 2018 2:50 pm

Re: Experiences of Meeting would be partners

Post by arpit » Thu Aug 16, 2018 9:00 am

shobha wrote:
Wed Aug 15, 2018 5:40 pm

So, I decided to call him.He hadn't chosen the meeting place. I had to go back to work since I had to wrap all my work before I went on the long vacation. So, I decided to meet up at a nearby coffee shop.He didn't know the directions. So I sent Google map link to him on WhatsAapp. :x :x

Personally, I would be impressed if I got a Google map link to direct me. This guy didn't understand and then I had to explain him in detail how he was supposed to reach there. He lived 20 minutes away from the coffee shop. :x :x

Finally, we met and went inside the coffee shop.The moment we placed the order, the first question he asks me is "Are you a career-oriented female?" I was completely shocked. :shock: :shock: :shock:
I love the way you described Google Maps thing...It was interesting but a bit sad also to see such people....and then when he asked you if you are career oriented female, it was shocking.... :roll: :roll: :roll:

arpit
Posts: 13
Joined: Sat Aug 11, 2018 2:50 pm

Re: Experiences of Meeting would be partners

Post by arpit » Thu Aug 16, 2018 9:04 am

nalin wrote:
Thu Aug 16, 2018 8:35 am
A second one I want to share.

When i asked about the n number of times she confessed that she liked me a lot. She said , yes i did like u at that time, but not now :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: .

I mean WTF such a drastic change in 16 hours , rather in 1.5 hours . :shock: :shock: :shock:

Over 200 profiles parsed , > 25 face to face meetings and still in the process of seeking ! :cry: :cry:

I just want to scream " Where the hell are you ?" :lol: :lol:
I read both of your experiences Nalin....even I learnt the hard way that we should speak only after the girl has finished the point :lol: :lol: :lol:

But I guess such change of hearts from a solid yes to sudden no is natural in this journey. It is a tough decision to make and sometimes people may go very nervous and unable to bear, they may instantly say no. It make sense to stay calm and say that it is fine with them. Though I know it is tough to do so.

mahendra singh
Posts: 4
Joined: Mon Sep 03, 2018 10:07 pm

Re: Experiences of Meeting would be partners

Post by mahendra singh » Thu Sep 06, 2018 11:14 am

I recently had my first ever meeting with a girl in a arranged marriage meeting.

I was really nervous I did not know what to expect.I am 32/ male a Dentist by profession, reason I waited for so long was i always felt I was not ready for marriage till I achieved certain professional milestone I had set for myself.

Any ways this meeting was arranged by a family friend and my mom dad and myself with my uncle and aunt went to meet girl and her parents.

She was a year elder than me ( did not really matter to me or my parents ) and was an interior designer by profession.

So we started with simple light questions like our schools I asked her about her job she wanted to pursue freelancing in her field which I appreciated because she felt it was best way for her to establish her name in her profession rather than work with someone , something which I very much relate too.

She likes reading I don't and I told her I have only ever read one book Kite Runner by Khaled Husseni. This went on I has hoping she would initiate more serious questions and I would just follow the flow but I finally asked her what was she looking for in her life Partner?

Her answer was pointed measured i.e Stable , Fun to be with and has a good Family !

Now it's my turn she did not ask me but I felt it's implied that since she answered it's my turn.

Any ways I was nervous but I had thought of what I wanted in my life partner I had the answer

So here it goes I told her

“ I have friends who are married for 7–8 years some for 5 some for 2–3 yrs . One thing I have noticed is it's always all sweet and rosy in the beginning but in the longer run all that matters is communication . I am looking for a person I can come home and talk to about my day she tells me about her day I would really value her opinion and I would also appreciate if she stands up to me and tells me bluntly if I am wrong like listen asshole u are wrong better correct yourself or u are in trouble ( can't believe I actually said asshole there but i said it ).

I further went on to say whenever we are passionate about anything there is going to be fights but it's best it's vented out I would encourage my partner to do so rather than keep to herself.

She nodded and listened .She did say that she has friends whose spouses behave as though they are still bachelor's and she did not like it .

This is where I said fortunately I have the liberty choosing my times in my profession and my mother has made it clear that dinner is one meal we would always have as a family together so I understand and value the importance of family time and work life balance.

At this point I also told her I am looking for a life partner who also works and is financially independent and contributor in family .

I reasoned it out saying dental practice has ups and down I told her the clinic does generate six figure revenues but there are slow months particularly during festivals, it does even out in the longer run through and in today's time both partners having positive financial contribution is very important to have a good lifestyle and achieve major life goals.

She nodded did not really respond or say anything.

Now this is when the conversation moved towards parents see she was not really asking only listening nodding or commenting in between.

I brought this up myself.

I told her I am my parents only child just as she is and I expect my partner to understand just as her parents are my responsibility after marriage my parents are equally her responsibility as well.

I further told her we are a close knit family I don't have siblings my family is open and quite liberal in all aspects,we all contribute to house work dishes cleaning etc I know cooking and gave her an example where a few weeks back when my parents were in hospital visiting family realitive I cooked the food ( fyi I had cooked biryani saffaraon rice and all ) so my partner was never going to be burdened as we all contribute always and daily. I did point out that she had a maid and a cook which right now we dont have bcoz it's not a lot of work and we just do it all by ourself ( this is something I felt I could have left out in an afterthought).

Anyways at this point told her I have been speaking a lot i will stop u can ask any questions you want to ?

She said no there is nothing that she wants to ask .

Ok so I asked her if her family had her approval for the arranged marriage and this meeting was with her approval she.said yes her family is very supportive and they completely support her .

I did tell her at this time that this was my first ever arranged marriage meeting and was very nervous I had asked my friends about their experiences also. She was surprised and did tell me this not not her first and she has had few before

Finally as we were about to leave I told her see you have a big house mine is not as big as hers and we may have to move to a rented accommodation in future.

Now 24hrs later when I think back here is what I felt . I was very blunt and frank I was told by my uncle also u said nothing wrong but you shot point blank truth.

Thinking now, She did not get to speak yes and she was very measured and did not really ask anything when I asked her to .

It become a monologue yes but I always believed in first meeting it's very difficult to know the person or judge if she is the right person or not so I would just go and say true facts and if the girl is ok than may be in second meeting it's a lot easier to open up as there is nothing hidden from my side as I have laid my cards all open .

dhruv aggarwal
Posts: 4
Joined: Mon Sep 03, 2018 8:57 pm

Re: Experiences of Meeting would be partners

Post by dhruv aggarwal » Thu Sep 06, 2018 11:23 am

I recently had my first ever meeting with a girl in a arranged marriage meeting.

I was really nervous I did not know what to expect.I am 32/ male a Dentist by profession, reason I waited for so long was i always felt I was not ready for marriage till I achieved certain professional milestone I had set for myself.

Any ways this meeting was arranged by a family friend and my mom dad and myself with my uncle and aunt went to meet girl and her parents.

Some background here we live in Mumbai.Our house is small ok for Mumbai standards but small for anywhere else, she had a bungalow a huge house in Mumbai.

After the initial formalities both families asked us to go upstairs to a seperate room where we could have our conversation.

She was a year elder than me ( did not really matter to me or my parents ) and was an interior designer by profession.

So we started with simple light questions like our schools I asked her about her job she wanted to pursue freelancing in her field which I appreciated because she felt it was best way for her to establish her name in her profession rather than work with someone , something which I very much relate too.

She likes reading I don't and I told her I have only ever read one book Kite Runner by Khaled Husseni. This went on I has hoping she would initiate more serious questions and I would just follow the flow but I finally asked her what was she looking for in her life Partner?

Her answer was pointed measured i.e Stable , Fun to be with and has a good Family !

Now it's my turn she did not ask me but I felt it's implied that since she answered it's my turn.

Any ways I was nervous but I had thought of what I wanted in my life partner I had the answer

So here it goes I told her

“ I have friends who are married for 7–8 years some for 5 some for 2–3 yrs . One thing I have noticed is it's always all sweet and rosy in the beginning but in the longer run all that matters is communication . I am looking for a person I can come home and talk to about my day she tells me about her day I would really value her opinion and I would also appreciate if she stands up to me and tells me bluntly if I am wrong like listen asshole u are wrong better correct yourself or u are in trouble ( can't believe I actually said asshole there but i said it ).

I further went on to say whenever we are passionate about anything there is going to be fights but it's best it's vented out I would encourage my partner to do so rather than keep to herself.

She nodded and listened .She did say that she has friends whose spouses behave as though they are still bachelor's and she did not like it .

This is where I said fortunately I have the liberty choosing my times in my profession and my mother has made it clear that dinner is one meal we would always have as a family together so I understand and value the importance of family time and work life balance.

At this point I also told her I am looking for a life partner who also works and is financially independent and contributor in family .

I reasoned it out saying dental practice has ups and down I told her the clinic does generate six figure revenues but there are slow months particularly during festivals, it does even out in the longer run through and in today's time both partners having positive financial contribution is very important to have a good lifestyle and achieve major life goals.

She nodded did not really respond or say anything.

Now this is when the conversation moved towards parents see she was not really asking only listening nodding or commenting in between.

I brought this up myself.

I told her I am my parents only child just as she is and I expect my partner to understand just as her parents are my responsibility after marriage my parents are equally her responsibility as well.

I further told her we are a close knit family I don't have siblings my family is open and quite liberal in all aspects,we all contribute to house work dishes cleaning etc I know cooking and gave her an example where a few weeks back when my parents were in hospital visiting family realitive I cooked the food ( fyi I had cooked biryani saffaraon rice and all ) so my partner was never going to be burdened as we all contribute always and daily. I did point out that she had a maid and a cook which right now we dont have bcoz it's not a lot of work and we just do it all by ourself ( this is something I felt I could have left out in an afterthought).

Anyways at this point told her I have been speaking a lot i will stop u can ask any questions you want to ?

She said no there is nothing that she wants to ask .

Ok so I asked her if her family had her approval for the arranged marriage and this meeting was with her approval she.said yes her family is very supportive and they completely support her .

I did tell her at this time that this was my first ever arranged marriage meeting and was very nervous I had asked my friends about their experiences also. She was surprised and did tell me this not not her first and she has had few before

Finally as we were about to leave I told her see you have a big house mine is not as big as hers and we may have to move to a rented accommodation in future.

Now 24hrs later when I think back here is what I felt . I was very blunt and frank I was told by my uncle also u said nothing wrong but you shot point blank truth.

Thinking now, She did not get to speak yes and she was very measured and did not really ask anything when I asked her to .

It become a monologue yes but I always believed in first meeting it's very difficult to know the person or judge if she is the right person or not so I would just go and say true facts and if the girl is ok than may be in second meeting it's a lot easier to open up as there is nothing hidden from my side as I have laid my cards all open .

Snehil
Posts: 10
Joined: Sat Aug 11, 2018 2:54 pm

Re: Experiences of Meeting would be partners

Post by Snehil » Sun Oct 21, 2018 1:35 pm

I am literally falling on the ground reading these.....this marriage process is so stressful that these stories help taking a break... :D :D

nalin
Posts: 9
Joined: Sat Aug 11, 2018 2:35 pm

Re: Experiences of Meeting would be partners

Post by nalin » Sun Oct 21, 2018 1:57 pm

dhruv aggarwal wrote:
Thu Sep 06, 2018 11:23 am
Ok so I asked her if her family had her approval for the arranged marriage and this meeting was with her approval she.said yes her family is very supportive and they completely support her .

I did tell her at this time that this was my first ever arranged marriage meeting and was very nervous I had asked my friends about their experiences also. She was surprised and did tell me this not not her first and she has had few before

Finally as we were about to leave I told her see you have a big house mine is not as big as hers and we may have to move to a rented accommodation in future.

Now 24hrs later when I think back here is what I felt . I was very blunt and frank I was told by my uncle also u said nothing wrong but you shot point blank truth.

Thinking now, She did not get to speak yes and she was very measured and did not really ask anything when I asked her to .

It become a monologue yes but I always believed in first meeting it's very difficult to know the person or judge if she is the right person or not so I would just go and say true facts and if the girl is ok than may be in second meeting it's a lot easier to open up as there is nothing hidden from my side as I have laid my cards all open .
Dhruv, I loved your reflection on how it went...we often forget that it is tough for the other person also....nobody is at fault here....except the society which has made the process like this... :evil: :evil:

arpit
Posts: 13
Joined: Sat Aug 11, 2018 2:50 pm

Re: Experiences of Meeting would be partners

Post by arpit » Mon Oct 29, 2018 9:07 pm

dhruv aggarwal wrote:
Thu Sep 06, 2018 11:23 am
I did tell her at this time that this was my first ever arranged marriage meeting and was very nervous I had asked my friends about their experiences also. She was surprised and did tell me this not not her first and she has had few before

Finally as we were about to leave I told her see you have a big house mine is not as big as hers and we may have to move to a rented accommodation in future.

Now 24hrs later when I think back here is what I felt . I was very blunt and frank I was told by my uncle also u said nothing wrong but you shot point blank truth.

Thinking now, She did not get to speak yes and she was very measured and did not really ask anything when I asked her to .

It become a monologue yes but I always believed in first meeting it's very difficult to know the person or judge if she is the right person or not so I would just go and say true facts and if the girl is ok than may be in second meeting it's a lot easier to open up as there is nothing hidden from my side as I have laid my cards all open .
Dhruv, I found your story very interesting .... this happens a lot with me also.... we rarely try to think from others' perspective... this is because we all are scared...of selecting a wrong girl/boy....as if it will be an end to life....without realizing that whomsoever we marry, it will be a decision taken largely on guts...

arpit
Posts: 13
Joined: Sat Aug 11, 2018 2:50 pm

Re: Experiences of Meeting would be partners

Post by arpit » Mon Oct 29, 2018 9:09 pm

What I like about this forum is that these experiences are so relevant to what I am facing....Thanks Vivah VIchar guys...U rock...:)

Snehil
Posts: 10
Joined: Sat Aug 11, 2018 2:54 pm

Re: Experiences of Meeting would be partners

Post by Snehil » Mon Oct 29, 2018 9:17 pm

My experience of meeting a top MBA grad:

An MBA from top tier b school. Initially when my mom talk to his mom his mother was like my son has done so much he is so intelligent and. Blah blah blah.... So my mother invited them to our place to which they strictly declined that they can't come as their son is very busy and all that crap. Before meeting me and the guy has a brief chat and he was answering as if he is doing a huge favour on me.

First meeting happened I was neutral so was he, after meeting we used to chat and he used answered in a very dry way. Next meeting fixed at our house. The moment they came to our place their entire point of view changed( as I like to keep a low key about myself just to see how guy is without knowing my background). His parents started behaving like I am their daughter in law and he started behaving so nicely as If we are meant for each other. :lol: :lol: :lol:

Result : Rejected

This is just the tip of the iceberg.. There many such incidences. The above incidences people think I am too picky and that's why rejecting guys but I would rather reject such guys than marry them. And all the girls who are in this process take your time don't rush into anything.

Please take your time..

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